What to do when shopping fever overtakes you abroad!
You're on your way back from a long-weekend in New York. You've stretched your credit cards to their limit. You've bought designer labels. Originals? Maybe. Maybe not. You feel great: you've just had an amazing time in a place you've only ever seen on TV - until now. You recall Starsky & Hutch, Hill Street Blues, Charlie's Angels, Kojak and more, from way back. It makes you feel just a little long-in-the-tooth. But age is experience and experience is knowledge, isn't it?
You had to buy another case to carry what you bought on 4th and 5th Avenue and almost everywhere where you stopped long enough to be lured by the bright lights and the choice - the choice, all around! In and out of department stores, a wide-eyed wander around Tiffany's, Saks, Bloomingdales. The odd coffee to-go, bagels for lunch, a show on Broadway one evening - everything caught your eye and took your fancy, and you indulged, boy, did you indulge! Only then finally when your feet wouldn't carry you another step, it was back to the hotel for a meal and a glass of wine - then another, well, the exchange rate is so rich at the moment, and it is your last night. Now you're sloshed, seeing double, and because you travelled alone you engage with every Tom, Dick and Harry or Trudi, Debbie and Harriet, whatever takes your fancy. Anyway you pass the night away or maybe you just pass out. And you know you have a flight to catch the next day, back home to London.
You awake close to midday, your head is pounding. Everything's a little hazy - of course, you slept with your contact lenses in. You get the picture? So your hand lotion becomes toothpaste and the toothpaste gets massaged into your nails...
You make it down to reception. The bell boy arranges a taxi and carries your cases to the main entrance and now you feel shame because you don't even have any cash for a tip, so you say something stupid like, "Do you know where the cash point is?". He feels embarrassed too, so he says, "Don't worry, I'll catch you next time you're in town, and have a nice day!" Yeah, right. At check-out things get worse as clerk tells you your card is declined and asks for another form of payment. You take out your Visa, your Mastercard, Electron, Solo, even your Nectar card and good old Boots Advantage... How could this be? You know you didn't spend that much over the last four days. Or did you? Then you get the print-out from last night's lavish dinner.... Oh dear. You go weak at the knees. Money gone, credit all used up. What to do?
You hold a board meeting with yourself and with a stroke of genius you remember you have the saviour, the company credit card - the good old company credit card that only comes out in emergencies. Naughty, but they'll forgive you this once, won't they?
Onwards and upwards to the airport...
Into the cab for the 45-minute run. You already know you have no cash so you start reading through the information printed in front of you. What next? You strike up a friendly conversation with the driver and just to make sure that you're reading it right, you say, "Excuse me, you do take Visa don't you?". The driver pauses slightly and replies, "Sure." though you can tell he's not thrilled. It's a relief because with only your company card to get you home, you'd have been walking the rest of the way to the airport.
At the airport terminal the driver helps you with your cases. You tip him royally, courtesy of your company. You make the payment as the bags are being wrenched from your grip by the kerbside check-in. Now you're being challenged by the ground staff - guess what, with all that shopping, your baggage is overweight and now you have an excess baggage fare to stump up. But for all those 'bargains'! You hand over the king-of-kings, the McDaddy company card, one more time.
And there you are, a little flustered, going through security at the back of that long line of people unbuckling the belts from their trousers, taking off their shoes and jewellery. Hand baggage, coats, jackets - it's all off and on to the conveyor belt security check - and all you can think about is getting on to the plane and catching up on your sleep.
At last you're at the departure gate and your flight is called. You board the plane, take your seat, settle yourself in and after listening to a few announcements and having a small cup of orange juice and the obligatory handful of peanuts, you fall deeply asleep. The next thing you know, you're being awakened for landing.
So you missed the airline breakfast. Not such a bad thing really, but what you really wanted was a nice hot, strong black coffee to get you started. Not to worry, you make your way to baggage reclaim. You're still half-asleep so you hire a porter to carry the burden of your wares and head for the customs channels - blue, green, and red in front of you. The porter, noting the scale of your luggage, instinctively heads towards the red 'goods to declare' channel. You shout forward, "What are you doing? That's the wrong way!" You've done the unthinkable and brought attention to yourself - now there's a swarm of uniformed customs officers surrounding your trolley. They escort you to the red channel - goods most definitely to declare.
The officer asks where you have travelled from and what was your flight number - and whether you have goods to declare... You mumble the answers sheepishly - it's as if you were already under arrest. The officer is annoyed and asks you to speak up. You finally get the words out as your goods are laid out before you. You're told you owe £450 pounds import duty and VAT - on top of what you had already paid for all your prized purchases. You owe it, there's no escape.
Here we go again - you might as well use the company credit card one more time. Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. But you're wrong... this is a business card with a strict limit and guess what, you've reached it already. Your last-resort card has been declined.
What about cash? There are plenty of cash points in the arrivals terminal. To save face in front of strangers and other passengers pointing and staring in your direction, you plead ignorance and say, "There must be a problem with the card - let me go to the cash point or the bureau de change and get some money." Security will escort you out and, they'll escort you back in. While in the terminal you find that long-awaited hot black coffee, and a few minutes to sit and think. You have goods in your baggage that you can't afford to pay the tax on. You have no choice but to go back to the customs officer in the red channel and come clean - tell him you have no way of paying the charges today.
So you get to security and tell them that you need to go back to the customs area. The security guard responds, "Oh, you mean the MIB area?". You're confused. MIB? What's that? What's that got to do with customs and the red channel? But you keep quiet and simply nod, not wishing to appear stupid, and the security guard leads the way.
Back in what you now know as the MIB area you approach the officer at the bench and you at last tell him the truth, holding your head in shame - but his response isn't what you expect. "No worry," he says, "you have two choices. You can call a broker from this list straight away and make arrangements with them to clear your baggage through. They will make the customs declaration on your behalf and then make arrangements with you to collect any payments due. Or, you can leave your baggage here now. I'll write you up a detention notice and then you need to go find a broker to clear your property through customs at a later date. But you have to make your arrangements directly with them. Just hand them this notice with the reference number and everything will be handled from there." Was it really that simple?
After all that, you breathe a sigh of relief, thank the officer rather too effusively and before you turn away to decide what to do next you ask, "What does MIB stand for then?". You know it isn't "Men in Black" as there's no sign of Will Smith and the other dude. The officer smiles and says, "MIB means Merchandise In Baggage". That's your purchases, in your own private luggage. What the broker will do for you now will be classified as an 'MIB clearance'."
Your decision made, you take a few numbers from the directory on the board and walk away from the red channel with your detention notice. Now it's over to the customs broker to clear your 'merchandise in baggage' - you're off to smooth things over with the boss!
So who do you call? Not Ghostbusters... Call Customs Clearance Limited. And remember - never leave home for an overseas shopping trip without first arranging for your Customs Clearance broker meet you at MIB. He's the only 'Man in Black' you'll need!
18th July 2007
